Hey everyone, it’s been a while.

I feel like I’ve lived two lifetimes since the last time I posted something. In case you missed it, a few weeks ago I faced the hardest tragedy a parent can go through. I still have no words. It’s an indescribable pain that I genuinely hope nobody reading this will ever go through.

Thanks to the tremendous generosity of Khawaja Shams and Daniela Miao, I’ve been able to take the past 8 weeks off of work to grieve and face my new reality. This has been a huge help for the mental state of my entire family and I will be forever grateful of their kindness. Thank you, Khawaja and Daniela.

I’m returning to work full-time this week, but I’m still in the thick of it. Grief isn’t just an emotion - it’s a process. A process that’s different for everybody. The stages of grief are fluid, and I’ve found myself bouncing back and forth between them on any given day. Some days I feel great because denial has taken over while others I can barely move because depression hits so hard.

You might be wondering, “why am I telling you this?” Because I need your help.

You’re about to see me online engaging in discussions, jumping on livestreams, posting on social media, and creating videos - a lot of the stuff you’re familiar with me doing. I need a favor. Please don’t ask me how I’m doing. Don’t offer condolences. Don’t bring up the obvious. Just talk to me like nothing happened.

I’m happy to field “welcome back” messages or catch up conversations, but the truth is - I’m not ok and I won’t be for a long time.

I’m working through things on my own and welcome distractions. Even if it feels like there’s an elephant in the room, please don’t address it. Let’s talk tech. Let’s collaborate on something. Let’s laugh together. Help me keep my mind busy.

Something cool

I haven’t just been sitting on my couch crying the past two months. Quite the opposite, in fact. I shared on LinkedIn that my wife and I were going to honor Olivia by building her dream garden. That kid loved the garden. She loved planting things, seeing them grow, and of course, picking stuff right off the vine and popping it straight into her mouth.

But that wasn’t all - she was so caring. She loved to help. With anything. She was an active learner and genuinely passionate about getting you to your goals, even at three years old. So we’re taking the garden a step further.

We started Olivia’s Garden Foundation, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization with a mission to educate our local community on homesteading skills and to donate our extra garden produce to sick children who need it. It’s something Olivia would have been all over, and we want to continue to build her legacy and honor the amazing person she was. The garden we’re building is designed with multiple educational spaces, providing us with dozens of opportunities to teach on a wide range of topics from permaculturing to wine making to bee keeping to raising chickens and everything in between. We’re excited at the opportunity to share our knowledge and spread the lifestyle Olivia loved.

Our website is coming soon, but until it’s live, you can follow along on the Instagram or Facebook pages. The website will have sign ups for homesteading classes, goods from the garden, and of course, swag (US only for now 😅).

An earnest thank you

Thank you all for your words of support and the kindness you’ve shown my family over the past 9 months. Thank you for donating not once, but twice to help make this horrible situation a little bit better. Thank you for your patience with me in my long stretches of silence.

In times of crisis, you really lean hard on family, friends, and community. Y’all have done so much for us and it hasn’t gone unheard. We genuinely feel loved. Thank you so much.

I look forward to re-engaging with all of you and am more motivated than ever to make an impact on the community we share together. It will take time for my family to heal, and we know we’ll never be the same, but having all the unwavering support has been a heartwarming constant during this struggle.

Thanks again 💙

Allen